Hello Universe

Battle of the Psyche: Experience Self vs. Reflective Self

Am I living for my experience self or my reflective self? That’s the question I’ve been pondering since I saw this TedTalk by Daniel Kahneman. At this very moment, I’m answering that question as my reflective self, while my experience self is currently digesting a really delicious dinner. So how accurate is this post, really, in answering that question? Can we really rely on our memories to make decisions for the future?

I have always lived for my reflective self. I grew up keeping a diary, and now I spend a good part of my day thinking about what I’ve been doing, what I want to do, etc. I’m a certified over thinker.

Recently I’ve been going through an existential crisis. I’ve been through a few of them in my life, but this one has been tricky. Every time I think I’ve turned a corner, the floor goes from under me again. 

So when I saw Daniel Kahneman’s talk, it dawned on me that existential crises may actually be a symptom of a battle between the experience self and the reflective self. After all, an existential crisis is when an individual starts to question the meaning and purpose of their life. What better battleground than the place where memory and experiences meet?

My experience self has never really had a lot of clout in my life - my reflective self would let it come out to play in a controlled manner - dance parties, concerts and raves. Anyone who has partied with me knows I am like a completely different person. 

Then I started skydiving and that is where the trouble really started. My experience self is now developing a voice and a perspective on life that I never had before, thus causing a mental ruckus with my reflective self which has up to now, ALWAYS been right.

To be fair, my reflective self has never steered me wrong. But I need to pay attention to my experience self now more than ever. Creating meaning in life, according to Mihaly Csikszentmihaly, has as much to do with the enjoyment we experience in the moment as it does with being able to connect those experiences to a higher purpose. 

A Side of Fiction

I love fiction, but it’s scary to admit it to people. It’s become such a dirty word. In a world where knowledge is power, fiction is often seen as a waste of time, or just a quirky fad. Even I can’t help but roll my eyes whenever someone brings up The Da Vinci Code.

But fictional stories play a much bigger role in shaping our lives than we give it credit for.

When we read fiction, we are agreeing to live inside the author’s mind. The world we enter have different rules that often reveal insightful truths about the real world. 

As the narrative unfolds, we subconsciously start to adopt the belief system in the story. Because reading is such a personal experience, we aren’t just taking away the facts of the story; rather we’re being imprinted emotionally in a way that could stay with us for the rest of our lives. If the storyteller’s any good.

Fictional works that have influenced me:

Ayn Rand’s stories have taught me to recognize and admire people who are strong enough to stand-up for what’s right, who will not give up even when they are surrounded by people who are too biased to see that change is needed.

Frank Herbert’s Dune series taught me that we all have our own destinies to fulfill, and that the human spirit needs to be protected from slavery and fuelled for perseverance in an infinite and unknowable future.

Herman Hesse’s work taught me that creativity is a discipline, that dispassion and stoicism are virtues to live by.

Voltaire taught me that perfection is a fleeting moment in time, so rather than waiting for a happy ending to happen, we must focus on cultivating our lives one perfect moment at a time.

The point:

Admittedly, I am NOT living up to these ideals, but that’s not the point. I don’t always do the right thing, my job has nothing to do with protecting the human spirit, I struggle constantly to maintain discipline, and I am terrible at making time to do things that make myself and others happy. 

The point is that these imaginary stories gave me the opportunity to DISCOVER these ideals for myself. I found meaning because I walked in the shoes of its characters, made friends, enemies and lovers on its imaginary streets, and lived and died by the consequences of these imaginary worlds.

“A story, well told, makes you realize you were yearning for something you had no name for, something you didn’t even know you wanted.” - F.S. Michaels, Monoculture (non-fiction. ironic, right?)

To balance fiction with non-fiction, here are the general rules that I read by:

Fiction for Visioning. Read fiction that will add significant meaning in our lives, that will spark our imaginations, learn about ourselves through new perspectives, see the impossible made possible. 

Non-Fiction for Modelling. Read non-fiction to help us gain a deeper insight into how the world works, learn from the brave who lead the way, and find different paths and approaches to help us get to where we want to go. 

Maybe fiction is the colour and non-fiction is the shape of the world we want to create.

More on the power of fiction:

The Business Case for Reading Fiction, Anne Kreamer, HBR

http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/01/the_business_case_for_reading.html

Changing our Minds by Keith Oatley, UCBerkeley

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/chaning_our_minds/